i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
