were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize