also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Duck Duck Cougar?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
