It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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