i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
