Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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