Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
