I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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