i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
