I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
