I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
