My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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