She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
