I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize