Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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