I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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