ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
