I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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