i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
