So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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