Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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