I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
