Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
