I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
