I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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