You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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