Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
