Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
