I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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