He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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