we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
