We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
