I wanna bring you to show and tell
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize