i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize