So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i out mim tonsoeep
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