Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
