i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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