Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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