Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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