wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
