Im at strip club and am horny
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
