the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
