you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
