Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
