I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You can't just leave with hair like that
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
