i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
