I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize