Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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