every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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