I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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