i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize