Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
