I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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