It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
