I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize