Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
