Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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