so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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