it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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