I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
