she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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