Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
